Thursday, September 23, 2010

#4 Handling The Sleepers Peeper

I can't count how many times I've been sitting in church and have seen someone sleeping. Now please don't misunderstand my spirit in regards to this blog post. I'm not blaming or casting stones upon the sleeper themselves, I don't know what's going on in their life. Maybe they've had a long night, maybe they work nights;  I'm not condemning their sleeping itself. What should concern us is when the person in front of us lets out a "toot" while they're asleep in church. What then shall we do?

Well, we will have to approach each sleeper peeper situation on a case to case basis, so the first thing that we're going to want to do is discover the potency of the poison we're dealing with, so if you hear a toot come from the sleeper, then the first thing we must do is throw our head back and take a big long whiff. If you don't smell anything then we'll just have to consider the rule "No harm no foul". However if we do smell a "Smell", we should admit that we're in trouble, and begin to take action! Here are a few ideas of things we can do to silence the flatulence.

1) Kick their Chair

If your close enough to the peeper then a simple kick on the back of their seat should wake them up and plug the gas leak, but if you're a few seats down then you may need to take more aggressive action.

2) Sharing Mints

Consider opening up a small tin of mints and sharing them with those around you. Quietly pass the tin to your neighbor, and make sure it reaches the sleeping peeper. This will not only wake the peeper up, but it will stop the sleeper from blessing us with the scents of their bowels, and offer them the opportunity to freshen their breath.

3) Shout Amen Really Loud

This one is going to take some strategy. You can't just shout Amen! at any moment during the service, but if and when the Pastor says something that you strongly agree with, then shouting amen should not only wake up the peeper, but it can win you some points with the Pastor too.

4) Spray Air Freshener

This will draw attention, but if those around you have been struggling with the same scent you've been struggling with, then you may be their hero. Spray in smaller increments throughout the service doing your best to aim the can towards the peeper. Caution: Do not spray the air freshener upward in the air. Try to spray it under the pews. If you spray it in the air you could be removed from the service by one of the bouncers-I meant to say ushers.

5) Retaliate

If all else fails you can always retaliate. Close your eyes, pretend that you're asleep and let out a peep of your own. You won't make any new friends, but depending on what you've eaten the night before, this could wake up the sleeper, thus silencing their peeps.

Let's face it, there's nothing worse than having your Church service disturbed by a foul smell. I'd encourage you to do your best to ignore it if at all possible, but if you just can't do it, I hope these ideas will offer you some help.

Post some of your own ideas on the comments section of this blog.

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