All churches are different. From the size of the chapel, to the size of the congregation. From the style of the worship, to the style of the pastors teachings. Most Churches are unique and diverse in their own rite, and yes-even the restrooms are different. I've been in some church restrooms that have four sinks, seven stalls, and ten urinals. Then I've been in some smaller more intimate church restrooms; Two stalls, three urinals, and one sink. But the classic church restroom which always leaves room for problems is the private restroom.
Private restrooms are very nice don't get me wrong. In the solo restroom we have privacy to do our business, while at the same time a private restroom gives us the time we need to check our phone messages, text message a friend, re-apply our make up (That's for the women), and even look up that Bible verse that the Pastor just referenced us to. The solo private restroom gives us the opportunity to have a seat, take a load off, and drop a load off. The private restroom can turn a normal potty time into an off the hook party time. But when somebody unexpectedly walks in our private party; this can cause the party to come to a earth shattering halt.
The person who walks in:
"Oops...sorry!!!"
You:
"Someones in here"
The person who walks in:
"Oh the door wasn't locked"
You:
"Okay can you please shut the door? I'll be right out"
The person who walks in:
"Oh goodness I didn't realize I was still in here isn't that funny? Hey, why are you on your laptop"
You:
"Get Out!!!..."
Yes your party has been rained out, and you are left in an awkward position where you'll have to face that person again; either that or you can make the decision to change churches (which I do not recommend). With that said, let's just focus on how to handle facing that person who walked in on you.
1) Run Away
Running away will solve everything for the day, but when next week arrives, you'll just have to face them anyway. This is a temporary solution to the problem, but if embarrassment has overtaken you, you may just want to consider this one until enough time has passed.
2) Climb out the window
This is much like running away, however the key to this one is to lock the door first. Yes, the door will get a couple of knocks from the other parishioners, but by the time they jimmy the door open, you and the evidence will be long gone; just don't forget to flush, and DO NOT leave your cell phone or purse behind. I can't stress that enough.
3) Claim that the door lock is broken
The first two will get you away from the scene of the crime for a little while. But if you feeling brave, then just face the music. Say to that person "The door must be broken", or you can even offer some advice saying "The lock appears to be busted, you might want to use the kids centers restroom instead". It always pays off to be polite, and offer help, and if you do it correctly, that person will not only take your advice, but they'll walk away from the scene saying "What a nice person". (Kudos to you) Remember, the greatest gift of a Christian is indeed Love.
4) Laugh it off
This is probably the best thing that one can do in my opinion. Walk out of the bathroom and say something like "Whew...did you smell that?". Maybe they did, and maybe they didn't but laughing about it will bring about a level playing field and eliminate all embarrassment for the both of you.
Let's face it, we've all been in both positions. We've all been walked in on, and we've all walked in on others. So let's make a pact: let's agree to double check the locks on the door each and every time we enter the church restroom. This will save us the embarrassment and keep me from having to post a follow up to this particular blog, even though I know how much I'd enjoy writing it:)
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
#4 Handling The Sleepers Peeper
I can't count how many times I've been sitting in church and have seen someone sleeping. Now please don't misunderstand my spirit in regards to this blog post. I'm not blaming or casting stones upon the sleeper themselves, I don't know what's going on in their life. Maybe they've had a long night, maybe they work nights; I'm not condemning their sleeping itself. What should concern us is when the person in front of us lets out a "toot" while they're asleep in church. What then shall we do?
Well, we will have to approach each sleeper peeper situation on a case to case basis, so the first thing that we're going to want to do is discover the potency of the poison we're dealing with, so if you hear a toot come from the sleeper, then the first thing we must do is throw our head back and take a big long whiff. If you don't smell anything then we'll just have to consider the rule "No harm no foul". However if we do smell a "Smell", we should admit that we're in trouble, and begin to take action! Here are a few ideas of things we can do to silence the flatulence.
1) Kick their Chair
If your close enough to the peeper then a simple kick on the back of their seat should wake them up and plug the gas leak, but if you're a few seats down then you may need to take more aggressive action.
2) Sharing Mints
Consider opening up a small tin of mints and sharing them with those around you. Quietly pass the tin to your neighbor, and make sure it reaches the sleeping peeper. This will not only wake the peeper up, but it will stop the sleeper from blessing us with the scents of their bowels, and offer them the opportunity to freshen their breath.
3) Shout Amen Really Loud
This one is going to take some strategy. You can't just shout Amen! at any moment during the service, but if and when the Pastor says something that you strongly agree with, then shouting amen should not only wake up the peeper, but it can win you some points with the Pastor too.
4) Spray Air Freshener
This will draw attention, but if those around you have been struggling with the same scent you've been struggling with, then you may be their hero. Spray in smaller increments throughout the service doing your best to aim the can towards the peeper. Caution: Do not spray the air freshener upward in the air. Try to spray it under the pews. If you spray it in the air you could be removed from the service by one of the bouncers-I meant to say ushers.
5) Retaliate
If all else fails you can always retaliate. Close your eyes, pretend that you're asleep and let out a peep of your own. You won't make any new friends, but depending on what you've eaten the night before, this could wake up the sleeper, thus silencing their peeps.
Let's face it, there's nothing worse than having your Church service disturbed by a foul smell. I'd encourage you to do your best to ignore it if at all possible, but if you just can't do it, I hope these ideas will offer you some help.
Post some of your own ideas on the comments section of this blog.
Well, we will have to approach each sleeper peeper situation on a case to case basis, so the first thing that we're going to want to do is discover the potency of the poison we're dealing with, so if you hear a toot come from the sleeper, then the first thing we must do is throw our head back and take a big long whiff. If you don't smell anything then we'll just have to consider the rule "No harm no foul". However if we do smell a "Smell", we should admit that we're in trouble, and begin to take action! Here are a few ideas of things we can do to silence the flatulence.
1) Kick their Chair
If your close enough to the peeper then a simple kick on the back of their seat should wake them up and plug the gas leak, but if you're a few seats down then you may need to take more aggressive action.
2) Sharing Mints
Consider opening up a small tin of mints and sharing them with those around you. Quietly pass the tin to your neighbor, and make sure it reaches the sleeping peeper. This will not only wake the peeper up, but it will stop the sleeper from blessing us with the scents of their bowels, and offer them the opportunity to freshen their breath.
3) Shout Amen Really Loud
This one is going to take some strategy. You can't just shout Amen! at any moment during the service, but if and when the Pastor says something that you strongly agree with, then shouting amen should not only wake up the peeper, but it can win you some points with the Pastor too.
4) Spray Air Freshener
This will draw attention, but if those around you have been struggling with the same scent you've been struggling with, then you may be their hero. Spray in smaller increments throughout the service doing your best to aim the can towards the peeper. Caution: Do not spray the air freshener upward in the air. Try to spray it under the pews. If you spray it in the air you could be removed from the service by one of the bouncers-I meant to say ushers.
5) Retaliate
If all else fails you can always retaliate. Close your eyes, pretend that you're asleep and let out a peep of your own. You won't make any new friends, but depending on what you've eaten the night before, this could wake up the sleeper, thus silencing their peeps.
Let's face it, there's nothing worse than having your Church service disturbed by a foul smell. I'd encourage you to do your best to ignore it if at all possible, but if you just can't do it, I hope these ideas will offer you some help.
Post some of your own ideas on the comments section of this blog.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
#1 Using the Restroom During Silent Church Prayer
I've always enjoyed the time that I spend in quiet prayer. It's an opportunity to talk with God, and focus on all that He has done for me. In addition to the quiet time that I have with the Lord in the privacy of my own home, I've also come to enjoy the Silent prayer time that we have at the Church.
Weather the pastor gives us time to silently pray during worship, or weather it's at the afterglow following the service, corporate quiet time is beautiful. But I've noticed that as much as we can enjoy our quiet time in the church, it's during these quiet times that the church speaks in ways we normally wouldn't hear while the music is being played loudly, or the preacher is preaching their message. It's at these quiet times during service that we hear all kinds of things; individuals outside of the sanctuary gossiping, we hear kids running in and out of doors, we hear kids getting spankings for putting gum in each others hair, and we've even been disturbed by the parishioner who couldn't wait until after the service to have a very loud holy rollin bowel movement just 25 feet away in the restroom.
Now we'll give this individual a little credit because they didn't know that everyone would hear him/her, nor did this person know it was prayer time; they were in the rest room, making room for the traditional all you can eat Sunday Brunch. Still it doesn't change the fact that when that back door opens, everyone is going to turn around to see who it was who interrupted the prayer with a rupture of flatulent sounds. So how can we avoid this embarrassment? Here are 4 things that I've come up with, and please post more ideas in the comments if you have them.
1) Close the bathroom door
Some multi person church restrooms have those doors that always stay open. Sure there's enough privacy between the foyer and the stalls so nobody can see in, but if you're needing to have a bowel movement while service is in session, it may be a good idea to test those hinges, and close the door. Sure the usher may come by and try to open it back up again, but when he hears whats going on, he and many others will be sure to leave you alone.
2) Wait until after service
Okay I know that this is an obvious antidote to avoiding the embarrassment of bowel sounds being heard during church prayer, but seriously. Why is it that we can't wait? Is your home out of toilet paper? Or are you just interested in reading the church bulletin which is conveniently posted on the back side of the stall door. What ever the case may be, waiting until after service, or better yet until you get home, may be the perfect fix to keeping your BM from becoming a part of the service.
3) Watch what you eat the day before
We used to eat Buffalo Wings every Saturday night...we don't do that any more! Eating spicy foods, or anything that upsets your stomach before church is just going to set you up for disaster. If your tummy is easily upset by fatty foods, do your church a favor...stick with a low fiber high protein diet on Saturdays.
4) Use the kids bathroom
Okay this is kind of a cop out, but if there is nothing else you can do, and you have to go, then why not let the kids church listen to it. They'll not only think it's funny, but you'll become a hero to many of the little boys who can only hope to be able to make sounds like that come from their own bodies.
Scripture tells us that God desires for us come to him in prayer.
Ephesians 6:18 says "And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."
1 Thessalonians 5:17 says to "Pray continually"
Colossians 4:2 says "Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."
Prayer is an awesome time that we have to be intimate with God. Whether you're in a silent church prayer or praying in the bathroom, God desires your conversation with Him. Let's just do our best to keep our bowel sounds to a minimum for the sake of the rest of the congregation and their time in prayer.
J.R. Prainito
Weather the pastor gives us time to silently pray during worship, or weather it's at the afterglow following the service, corporate quiet time is beautiful. But I've noticed that as much as we can enjoy our quiet time in the church, it's during these quiet times that the church speaks in ways we normally wouldn't hear while the music is being played loudly, or the preacher is preaching their message. It's at these quiet times during service that we hear all kinds of things; individuals outside of the sanctuary gossiping, we hear kids running in and out of doors, we hear kids getting spankings for putting gum in each others hair, and we've even been disturbed by the parishioner who couldn't wait until after the service to have a very loud holy rollin bowel movement just 25 feet away in the restroom.
Now we'll give this individual a little credit because they didn't know that everyone would hear him/her, nor did this person know it was prayer time; they were in the rest room, making room for the traditional all you can eat Sunday Brunch. Still it doesn't change the fact that when that back door opens, everyone is going to turn around to see who it was who interrupted the prayer with a rupture of flatulent sounds. So how can we avoid this embarrassment? Here are 4 things that I've come up with, and please post more ideas in the comments if you have them.
1) Close the bathroom door
Some multi person church restrooms have those doors that always stay open. Sure there's enough privacy between the foyer and the stalls so nobody can see in, but if you're needing to have a bowel movement while service is in session, it may be a good idea to test those hinges, and close the door. Sure the usher may come by and try to open it back up again, but when he hears whats going on, he and many others will be sure to leave you alone.
2) Wait until after service
Okay I know that this is an obvious antidote to avoiding the embarrassment of bowel sounds being heard during church prayer, but seriously. Why is it that we can't wait? Is your home out of toilet paper? Or are you just interested in reading the church bulletin which is conveniently posted on the back side of the stall door. What ever the case may be, waiting until after service, or better yet until you get home, may be the perfect fix to keeping your BM from becoming a part of the service.
3) Watch what you eat the day before
We used to eat Buffalo Wings every Saturday night...we don't do that any more! Eating spicy foods, or anything that upsets your stomach before church is just going to set you up for disaster. If your tummy is easily upset by fatty foods, do your church a favor...stick with a low fiber high protein diet on Saturdays.
4) Use the kids bathroom
Okay this is kind of a cop out, but if there is nothing else you can do, and you have to go, then why not let the kids church listen to it. They'll not only think it's funny, but you'll become a hero to many of the little boys who can only hope to be able to make sounds like that come from their own bodies.
Scripture tells us that God desires for us come to him in prayer.
Ephesians 6:18 says "And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."
1 Thessalonians 5:17 says to "Pray continually"
Colossians 4:2 says "Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."
Prayer is an awesome time that we have to be intimate with God. Whether you're in a silent church prayer or praying in the bathroom, God desires your conversation with Him. Let's just do our best to keep our bowel sounds to a minimum for the sake of the rest of the congregation and their time in prayer.
J.R. Prainito
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