Wednesday, December 15, 2010

# 8 The Grunt

There comes a time in everyone's life where they walk into the restroom, and hear audible sounds coming from the stall. Some may sing a song or hum a ditty, others may whistle a tune or tap their feet, but walking into the Church restroom to hear a low grunting coming from the stall is a sound that is not only disgusting, but can leave one very uncomfortable. So what can we do if we walk in on such an uncomfortable event? Here are a few thoughts that could help you out.

1) The first thing to remember is not to panic; panic will lead us to doing and saying things that just shouldn't be said or done. So with your nose plugged, take a deep breath; that's right, do not forget to breathe. Passing out will only cause more of a scene on your behalf.

2) We mustn't discount the fact that the grunter may be hurt or in pain, so a polite knock on the door with the kind question of, "Hey, are you okay in there?" May be in order, just make sure not to peak through the crack in the door. Eye contact may make your dealings with this parishioner in the future a little odd.

3) A sure way to get the grunter to stop grunting is to shut off the restroom light before you leave. It will shock them into using their words, rather than grunting.

4) If you walk into the restroom where someone is grunting like  a baboon, then you can always just turn around and leave ground zero, but be sure to tell an usher that someone maybe hurt, you may not want to deal with it, but if someone is grunting that much, there really may be something wrong that the slip of a laxative may cure.

5) If you happen to be the one in the Church restroom who is grunting, then do yourself a favor, and silence yourself. Sing a hymn, or stomp your foot, but please don't make anyone have to ask you if you need a suppository, or something of that nature. That's just not what we came to church to do.

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